Positive outlook on infertility

After 6 years of just "waiting to see if I can get pregnant", I have finally started fertility treatment! As I embark ok this TTC (TRYING TO CONCEIVE) journey I am filled with a sense of hope and positivity. I have never felt so calm and at peace with the idea of trying to have kids, and it feels great!

Over the years I have not allowed myself to get too excited about having kids... Mostly because a part of me always knew it was not "time" yet. Something feels different now...

I don't know how long its going to be, but I have faith that "the Lord will remember me" and the promise of motherhood will be granted.

Some tell me not to get too excited, fertility drugs are not always effective. They don't want me to get my hopes up. But... The reality for me is, I'd rather put all hope and faith in becoming a mom, than to live my life in fear and doubt that I won't. I'm just not happy if I'm not hoping for the best in everything, even if it does sound naive.

Sheesh, when I was dating my husband I invested so much emotional energy the first week of dating. People would warn me not to get too involved, I would just be setting myself up for heart break. I ignored them because it made me happier to put myself out there and give it my all, then to only give a little and have doubts about my future in the relationship.

So I'm doing it, I'm giving the pursuit of motherhood my all! I'm putting my motherly heart on my sleeve! I'm going to be positive, I'm going to get excited, I'm going to think about baby names again, I'm going to plan for motherhood, I will walk the baby aisles at Target with a smile on my face, I will picture babies in my arms, I will dream about kissing my babies... I will have faith in Gods timing.

I'm a firm believer in mind over matter... My mind has decided I'm going to get pregnant and that it will allow no other alternative.

I want to be a runner!

I have never been really good at sports, mostly because I don't play them. I find team based sports where a ball is involved very intimidating. I also feel silly chasing after a ball (football, soccer ball, baseball, you name it).

I have always liked independent sports. Running, swimming, biking, etc. I like them because to get good at them, you have to compete with yourself. Your mind is seriously your most difficult competitor.

This is why I have always wanted to be a "runner." I have always felt like if I can overcome the roadblocks in my brain I can do ANYTHING! Getting physically fit to be a runner is the easy part, getting mentally fit is the most difficult.

So far, I have been overcoming some pretty difficult mental roadblocks and I feel ready to move my life into the direction of becoming a runner. Next year, when I go to California, I would like to run a half marathon. So, I need to keep preparing.

A month ago I ran the Albuquerque Color Run. It was a simple 5k that was not to be taken seriously. I loved that, it was super fun and a great start to get me motivated into a Runners lifestyle.

Ever since then I run about 4-5 times a week, running no less than 3 miles every time. I have been slowly increasing my distance and speed.

My next race is a 10k here in Rio Rancho New Mexico, Its called the Hobbler Gobbler 5k/10k Run. This run will take place on Thanksgiving Day. Im so excited! I see this as something to help me stay focused on my healthy lifestyle during the Holiday Season.

After the Hobbler Gobbler 10k I will begin my training for my first 1/2 Marathon. I have not picked a location for a 1/2 marathon yet. I am planning on visiting my family in California next summer. I would like to run my 1/2 marathon at that time so I can meet my family at the finish line!

So wish me luck, Im feeling pretty confident I can do this. I have attempted to "become a runner" every year, and every year I fail. With all that I have accomplished latley I feel I can do this. With the help of the Lord, I know I can do this!

15 Years with my BFF!

My best friend, Rachel (Van Riper) Petmecky, posted this lovely picture of us today on Facebook. This was such a wonderful picture to be greeted with when logging on. The instant I saw this pic I remembered that 15 years ago, this month, Rachel and I became friends, later Best Friends, and now more close sisters than anything else.

Rachel and I have been through a lot together. Literally, almost everyday as teenagers we would have what we called "court time" we would walk around the court that I lived on and talk and talk about EVERYTHING. Her troubles, my troubles, the countless boys I crushed over, her successes with swimming, our tears and laughs. We talked about growing up and getting married at the same time, having babies at the same time and living next door so our children could be best friends. I was also her personal hair stylist and makeup artist...

This is her 8th grade graduation, I did her hair and makeup...

 

Oh my gosh.... remember when pookah shell necklaces were in?? ha ha!

 

 

Growing up, I felt like her teacher, or her wiser older sister. Little did I know, she would later become mine. I wanted to make sure she knew that even when life got hard, she had a loving Heavenly Father that loved her sooooo much, and that He would take care of her. When I left to college in 2005 I was so worried she would forget (she didn't), and I was also worried that we would loose touch (I'm sure she felt the same way).

Well, we didn't...

Rachel was my Maid of Honor at my wedding in 2007

 

She followed me to New Mexico.... and found a guy...

 

And I was her Matron of Honor in 2009

 

We lived in the same apartment complex here in New Mexico and I got to watch her family grow...

 

(I took this pic at the park across the street from the apartment complex)

Such a Cute Family!! AND... The just celebrated baby #2!! A cutie pie little boy named Parker.

 

 

Rachel and I don't live as close anymore (we are and 1.5 hours away from each other) but I feel we have become even closer friends and even better sisters. She is such a wonderful example to me of an awesome stay-at-home-mommy. I learn from her everyday and she inspired me to live healthy. Someday, when Curtis and I are blessed with babies, I hope to be even half the kind of mother Rachel is to her babies.

I love our friendship and I can't imagine my life without my sister Rachel. I hope and pray we are never far apart from each other. And if we are for a time, that's OK, cause someday we will end up "right next door" to each other. :-)

Happy 15 Year Friendship Anniversary Rachel! Love ya girl!!

 

On my way to the best version of me!

I have to be honest, the reason why I have not written in over 5 months is because I have not been happy. As I try to have this blog remain positive in nature, and speak only of 'happy days', it is inevitable that bad days will come.

Since writing is very therapeutic for me I still continued to write, however, I wrote in my journal and in a private blog where I could write my feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment and sadness. I have been writing in a journal since I was 9 years old. Something I notice about my journal writing is that I become my own therapist. There will be times where I write a journal entry and I am very upset about something, then, as the journal entry progresses I have a shift in thought. Because I purged my negative thoughts on paper, I could then clear my mind to resolve the issue.

I am happy to report, that after a five month purging of negative thoughts... I am happy. It all began with this journal entry...

July 29, 2012 Sunday

 

I wish I could say I have progressed since my last journal entry, but unfortunately not much has changed. (I was super upset about not having children yet) The one difference is that I'm not super upset. This will allow me to write more rationally.

 

I can't remember a time when I was truly satisfied with life. I have been unhappy for a few years now. I usually blame my unhappiness on not having babies, Curtis not working, family making poor choices, my work not recognizing my efforts, my parents leaving the church, not having friends, living with in-laws, I can list on and on of all the excuses.

 

Truthfully, I need to stop blaming everyone and everything else for my unhappiness and start taking some accountability for it! I am where I am because of me. I have no relationship with God because I do not pray to Him and I do not read His words and I do not take upon myself the name of Christ.I have no relationship with my family because I choose not to communicate. The rest of my life is miserable because I do not take care of myself. Its all my fault. If I want my happiness to change I need to start focusing on me.

 

I will do this by getting off my lazy tooshy and live a full life and take care of me!

I was so liberated by this train of thought. It was almost as if I finally got out of my funk and logic and reason finally payed a visit to my emotions. The next day I went to my pantry and fridge and cleared out all the food that was toxic to my body. I went to the gym with my husband and that night I went to bed by 10pm. It was time to take control of my life, and my happiness.

Its been a month later and I am happy to report that I....

• Go to the gym everyday after work, with Curtis, and workout for about 45-60 min.
• I eat a wholesome, clean, meals everyday.
• I have stopped eating sugar (refined sugar, the most sugar I get is in fruit) "cold turkey" (not exactly sure how I did that one).
• I cook all of my meals.
• I load up on veggies, fruit, lean proteins, and healthy fats ALL day!
• I try to eat as much local food as I can.
• I stop eating at 7pm.
• I bring my lunch to work everyday.
• I ran a a 5K Race, "The Color Run"
• I drink a LOT of water
• I go to bed between 9:30 and 10pm every night.

Sometime I will go further into detail on exactly the type of foods I eat, how much and all of that. But for now I will just tell you, that taking care of my body has been the best thing I have ever done for myself! I am happier, more positive, more friendly, more patient with Gods timing, and I have lost 12.5 lbs. All that matters to me is that I be in good health so I can be the best wife, someday, if God willing, the best mom, and most importantly the best version of me.

I can't wait for more happy days ahead! I'm confident If I have bad days, I will be able to handle them much  better because I am taking care of myself.

What is in your water? And can I have Some too!

I can honestly say, I have a dozen friends and family members that are pregnant right now, half of which are due between now and the next 30 days! I have come to the conclusion that this increased level of fertility among my friends stems from one of two reasons...

One, The water they are drinking is being visited by the fertility fairy and has obviously been given the wrong directions to my house.

Or Two! 2011 had one very cold winter. And me, well, Im never cold.

Update part 2

The other entry was getting too long...

Wow... that was a long winded rant, but some other news that is going on.... I have a new calling at Church. I am the Young Womens 1st counselor. I thought it was interesting that the Lord wanted me here when we are getting ready to move states. But I know that I am needed whether I am there for a short time or not. I was in a Young Womens calling last year and was released almost a year into it to be a Gospel Doctrince teacher. It was difficult for me to accept the realease because I felt I was not doing good enough. And I really wasn't. I could have done more so many times. However, I knew the Lord made the right decision. I was able to focus more on my own spiritual strength and my marriage.
I love the women I am serving with and I believe that we all have something very much in common that will truley help us in our callings. I love serving the Young Women and teaching them about their strength as daughters of God and the potential their Heavenly Fathers see in them.

Fairbanks Family Update

Well, if it hasn't gone viral already, it has now. Im pregnant! Nah..... just kidding! I almost had you at that one!

The news with us is that Curtis is in UT and I am here in New Mexico. He went to UT to find a job! While this is so exciting, its also bittersweet. For one big reason, Curtis is there and I am here! (I really need to get over my "need-y-ness") The other thing... we might move. However, I will go where ever God needs us. I will really miss the friends that I have made here in New Mexico and the family I have here. But..... if we dont end up moving, then Hey! New Mexico friends, I love you, and all this is history!

Curtis graduated from CNM in January. He has his associates in Engineering. Now, all of you know he has been going to school for a loooooooooong time.  So he should have like a bachelors and in graduate school by now right? If thats what you are thinking... stop judging. Things changed last year and this is the move he needed to make. The great thing..... he wil be working! Its important for Curtis to work. He likes to work! The lovely things about him work, the idea of starting a family seems even that more possible. Knowing Curtis, he will go back to school, more part time than anything. If he does go back to school I will be proud of him and if he does not go back to school I will be proud of him!

So often we get cought up in how society expects our lives to go.

 In the LDS community we should not have been engaged 10 months, we should have gotten pregnant within 3 months of marriage, Curtis should have an MBA in Engineering, I should be barefoot and pregnant with my 3rd child, and we should have a house.

In the modern world, Curtis and I should NOT have gotten married, be living together, travel the world, finish our degrees, have careers, wait to have kids when Curt is almost 40 and I am like 32, and then decide to get married.... maybe.

But in my world, this is how it is.... we waited 10 months to get married because that was the request of my parents (it was so I could finish my degree) and we felt should respect my parents wishes. We married eachother because there is more love then we both could have ever imagined. We do not have kids because we are on Gods times table, I have not rushed the to the Doctor to fix the problem because it just has not felt right yet. We do not have a house because one, we are not financially capable quite yet, and two, when we buy a house we want to live in it forever, so where  the house is should be where we want to be, and we have never felt sure about New Mexico. So, we have not been rushing into everything like most LDS people would want, we are not, from the worlds perspective, putting off the truley important things like marriage and kids. We are living happily together in our marriage, Building a solid foundation of love, trust, patience, forgivness, partnership and friendship.

We are so happy! We built this happiness on our own! When things got hard and people told us to get out, we didn't! We forgave and loved eachother! When one of us struggled in school or work we learned to lift each other and be a friend rather put down the other and expect the impossible. I feel that when God blesses us with Children the greatest gift we will be giving them is the strength and love of our marriage. And Curtis does not have his bachelors yet, because well, he just doesn't. And that is OK. I am soooooooooooooooo proud of him!!

Feelings of Forever

 As Valentines Day is very soon approaching I can't help but rekindle the cheesey romantic love I feel for Curtis. Since he is out of town this Valentines Day this year (my first one alone!!) I have decided to celebrate it in my own way. I will eat chocolate, watch chic flics all day long, and make a care package for Curtis (he is in UT, and will be there for a little while). To kick this time off I am going to post some cheesy songs and clips from movies that remind me of Curtis and I.

First one....

This is from the play Saturday's Warrior, and LDS flick. I feel like this is what Curtis and I said to eachother before we came here.  With Curtis, feelings are forever, ever since I met him there was a familiarity that felt like we have been best friends a lot longer then just the almost 7 years we have known each other.

This next Clip is a Scene from the movie "The Young Victoria" (This movie describes our marriage to a "T" and protrays the strong love that exists between us. When I watch this movie I am reminded of the strong bond we have that will last FOREVER, and I am not being cheesey, I mean it from the bottom of my heart) Right before this scene Prince Albert had just taken a bullet for Victoria while they were riding in a carriage. Just before the carriage ride they were arguing about her status as queen and Alberts role in all of it. What is amazing is the love you see in this scene.

Next Clip, The little Mermiad. I have ALWAYS thought Curt and I look just like Ariel and Eric. I just love this movie. There is just a sweet innocent love between the two. Our first kiss went a lot like this... well... it was not in a pretty logoon or anything. It was on temple square conference weekend in April 2006. It took a long for it to happen no matter how much I bat my eyes. It almost felt like if the birds around us could talk they would say "Kiss her already!" It was a beautiful day.

When and Curtis and I first "met" it was much like this song.... "A Heart Full of love" from the broadway musical a Les Miserables. We had been friends, but we call the night we first met as SINGLE young adults, (every time we were around eachother before then we were dating some one else) We realized that we could be something wonderful. There was no fear between us, it as if some higher power was ready for us to come together.

Our wedding song

Love This

Have you ever been in love?

I hope every one has a lovely Valentines day! And Curtis, I am going to miss you like crazy!!

Gratitude

I can't even begin to describe how gratitude has helped me in my life. When I have expressed thanks to my God for what I have, no matter my circumstance, I have been humbled and filled with the Holy Spirit. This year I have so much to be greatful for... A marriage that is solid and loving, a husband that adores me, a family that loves me, a roof over my head, friends that bring me such joy (you know who you are), talents that enrich my life, a job that challenges me to be a better leader and person, great friends at work, and so much more!

I saw this video about "Gratitude" that I just had to share. I have been learning over the past few years that true, sincere, graitude can take away saddness, negativity, anger and bring you into a state of peace. This peace comes because we have acknowledged that even though our lives may be miserable and imperfect, God still blesses us. When we reflect on those blessings... things don't seem so bad anymore.

2012: The best year ever! Despite what the Myans think.

OK, so last year I totally jinxed myself. On January 1, 2011, I shouted out to the world (of facebook that is) that 2011 was going to be the "best year of my life!" Boy...... was I wrong! 2011 was quite the opposite, it was the worst year of my life. 


Everything that could go wrong... went wrong, from marriage to church, to work, everything. Toward the end of the year my "misfortunes" had humbled me so much that I became happy. The ironic thing was... I was poorer than before, distanced from my family, struggling with Church callings, living with in laws... but... I was grateful for what I had. My gratitude did wonders for me.


That's actually how this blog got started. Since everything in my life was going crappy I was determined to write a blog of only positive things. Hence the name "oh, happy days..." Everything in my life seemed dark and unhappy and it is bad enough that my journal has an extensive record of my unhappiness. Ergo, I decided that this blog be a record of my 'happy days.'


I am looking forward to many happy days in 2012 and Happy is all I am expecting. 


I am already off to a great start this year...


One, I have taken up hobbies like sewing and starting a book club with work friends at work. This is amazing because I always thought sewing was too tedious (guess all those trials the last 4+ years have given me a lot of patience) and I NEVER read books. However, I did succumb to the guilty pleasure of reading the Twilight Saga. I have read a few Nicholas Sparks books. And... I read some classics as a teenager. But that is seriously it. So, this book club is to read all the books that are coming out as movies. We read the book together, then go to the movie when it comes out. Fun.


Second, I am going to go back to doing the things that made me soooooooo happy once upon a time ago. I am going to get back into singing. I am going to take vocal lessons again and sing my heart out this year. I have already been getting more comfortable with my voice again by singing and playing the piano here at my in-laws.


Third, I am rolling with the punches. I have decided to stop freaking out so much, or getting upset when my life doesn't go according to plan. I finally had reality check and realized that my life stopped going according to plan the day I got married. So I just need to suck it up, deal with it, and enjoy the present.


So all of you that are wishing... hoping... praying... and even pleading for a good year; Don't worry, according to the Chinese new year, this is the year of the dragon! The Year of the Dragon will be marked by excitement, unpredictability, exhilaration and intensity.


So, get out there! Have fun! Cause that is what I will be doing!

My Bucket List

I have never really pondered on the things I must do before I die. Maybe its because I try to be as happy as I can with my life so I can avoid all the "shoulda woulda coulda's". However, I do know there are some things I need to do and would love to do before I die.  So, here we go...

1. Of course, have kids. I don't care how many or if I gave birth to them or not. I need to be a mom.
2. Build my own home in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a beautiful landscape.
3. Visit the Eastern half of the US.
4. Take a trip to another country (except Canada and Mexico)
5. Write a Book.
6. Grow a vegetable garden without killing it.
7. Have ZERO debt.
8. Replace all my teeth with implants so I don't have to get 2-4 fillings a year.
9. Become a photographer.
10. Sing in public again.
11. Teach my kids to play the piano and sing.
12. Dance competivley with my husband.
13. Organize Family Reunions with me and my brothers families.
14. Sew a Quilt.
15. Read the Bible from cover to cover.
16. Dye my hair blonde once just to try it out.
17. Run my own bakery and Cafe called "The Bread and Breakfast"
18. Become a master at making bread.
19. Run a marathon.
20. Have a real Christmas Tree.
21. Pull off a suprise brithday party.
22. ugh. Sky Dive.
23. Hike to the top of 10 mountains.
24. Go Hunting.
25. Go to a drive in movie theater.

Family Pics

 
On Sunday, December 11, 2011 we took a drive to Cedar Crest New Mexico and FINALLY had our pictures taken. I have been  putting off getting our pictures taken for quite some time. the reason being.... well, they are not good reasons, but it is because I am self concious of my appearance and because Its still just Curtis and Myself, no little ones. We had a five year plan and by this time baby #2 was supposed to be on the way. For the longest time I could not come to terms with the fact that it would be a while before our family would increase its size. However, God is loving and has showed me in many ways how I can still enjoy my life to its fullest with my husband, even without children. I hope you see that these pictures are proof of that. I don't know what I would do with out Curtis! I love him so much and I am so greatful for all these years of getting to know him and becoming the best of friends.All my life my biggest fear has always been that my children would wonder how much their parents loved eachother. Now, I have no fears at all. I have married the best man who is the best friend I can not live without.

I am still sooooo into him!

My dance partner.

Curtis loves this picture because this is not staged, we are just enjoying our nice cold stroll through the snow talking about whatever.

Curtis is soooo Cute!

My biggest fan of everything I do.

Yes, true love.

My Protector.

My Friend.

My Support.

My snuggle buddy.

My Love.

Merry Christmas!

The Analogy of the Canoe: What it means to be One in Marriage

So, even though I have been married almost 5 years, I feel like I have learned a few things. There is something I would like to share. Its called the analogy of the Canoe. Now, I cannot take all the credit for this, my husband briefly used a simpler form of this analogy to justify his side of a disagreement a while back. There was a time when I was trying to get through a road block in our marriage and I had an epiphany while pondering about this canoe analogy.... and I added a little more....


***

So, I have this idea that once we get married that we strap ourselves into a lifelong canoe ride. There are times when this ride is peaceful and serene, other times we are tossed about the white water desperately holding on for our lives. But the point is, were all on the ride. We are not in a race, we are riding down the river till we eventually get to where we need to be.


So, one day, I was contemplating myself on this canoe with my husband. We were not going anywhere! We were going round and round in circles and other times we would be at a complete hault. As we were struggling in this canoe I couldn't help but notice one by one by one by one, couples pass us by. It seemed unfair, that for a couple that has been married for five years would be sitting there watching the other canoes pass us by.


So, every time I would see this I would think, I can do this, I can roe enough for the both of us! Boy was I wrong! I could row alright, but not for long, before I knew it I was exhausted! The moving my arms from one side to another became tiresome. So, I would just row from one side of the canoe... that got me nowhere. So I would try just the other side... again... nowhere. Just circles.

I decided to look back at my husband, he was tired too. He wasn't even rowing! I didn't even stop to think why he couldn't row with me, I just assumed it wasn't important to him so I should just carry on for the both of us. When I looked back and saw his tired distressed face I realized that he needed me. He didn't need me to carry us forward. He needed me, to stop, take a break and help him gain the strength to row together again.

So, that's what I did. I stopped. And again, I watched other couples slowly pass us by. This time it was different. This time I didn't care about the others, all I cared about was making sure my husband regained his strength to begin again. Sometimes, it was difficult to sit there and patiently wait. However, the more I waited patiently, the more love I felt for my husband!


Then, the blessed day came. He began to row on his side, and I on mine. And we were back on the river again. Slowly, peacefully, together down the river.

***
I learned something important as I was thinking about this canoe ride. Marriage is not always easy and there will always be other people ahead of you in their marital development. You cannot be one in marriage by pointing out to your spouse how you are not where others are. You are one by working on your life goals together, and sometimes just stopping and sitting with them till they are ready to move forward. Its not fair to push someone when they are not ready. We all learn different ways, and just because we are married it does not mean that we are automatically on the same wavelength of understanding and development. Plus, not to mention, men and women handle difficulties differently and in their own ways as well.


When we marry we agree to stay committed through the difficult times. I learned that it is important to be considerate of our spouses needs. If they are distressed, love them. If they are sad, love them. If they are unsure, LOVE THEM! Whatever it is... L-O-V-E them! We also need to ingrain (and I need to tell myself this ALL the time!) in our minds that it is OK not be moving the same pace "down the river" as everyone else. Its not worth it if you can't enjoy it TOGETHER!


Let me ask you this? If your spouse is sick? What do you do? Take care of them, right? So if your spouse is struggling in other areas of life, wouldn't you then take care of them as well? Its no different. And, I know, that if I were having a hard time I would want my hubby to take care of me and be patient with me?


***
And that concludes my soap box moment. :-)


PS
And can I just say, I am so greatful for a patient, loving, understanding husband that has taught me this principle of unconditional love.

Breaking Dawn Countdown

Yes, friends, yes family, I am this rediculous! I am however saddend that I cant see it till 7:15pm tomorrow because I will be working when Breaking Dawn Begins.

Twilight Breaking Dawn

Whats new...

So often I feel like there is really nothing to tell about my life. I have been doing the same things for the last four in a half years. I get up in the morning, start my to-do list, get ready for work, go to work... and then come home. Make dinner, and either go to bed, hang out with my hubby, work on a project, laundry or clean. That's it, simple as that.


Sometimes when I am contacted by an old friend, or a family member I have not talked to in a while, I get a question like... "Lisa! Its so good to see you whats new?" My answer, almost always... "oh just staying busy with work and school." Then there is like a delayed reaction, like they are waiting for something else amazing. It doesn't ever bother me that much, I just feel bad for them because I didn't give them what they were expecting.


A few weeks ago, at Church, in Relief Society, a lady comes to sit next to me and starts gabbing about how she is new to town and then asks me to tell her about myself. The conversation went like this...

Lady- "So, are you married?"

Me- "Yes, we have been married for almost five years now"

Lady- "Oh wow! Really? How many kids do you have?"

Me- "Oh we don't have kids yet."

Lady-" Oh....... So you are new to Rio Rancho too, did you just buy a house?

Me- No, we are staying with my in laws right now."

Lady- (delayed reaction) "oh... Where does your husband work?"

Me- "He is a student, at CNM/UNM, he does not work,"

Lady- (another delayed reaction) "Oh well, he should be graduating soon"

Me- "no, not really, but I am not worried."

She then goes on to tell me a story about a friend that is my same situation and how she feels so bad for them.  

There is then an awkward silence, because I really don't need sympathy because I am happy and perfectly fine with Gods timing in everything.

Lady- "Well, where do you work?"

Me- "Target"

Lady- (delayed reaction) "Oh....... well that sounds fun"

Knowing that she is obviously judging me right now... I feel that I have to explain what I actually do at Target so she knows I don't have some lame retail job.  I do big things, I meet amazing people, and I love my job.

I know that my life isn't going the way everyone would expect. I'm sorry I can't give you more to look forward to. However, there are great things going on in my life that if people would stop judging me and take the time to listen they would see I am in a much better place then I was 4 1/2 years ago.

So, let me just put this out there.... I LOVE my Life! I am OK with the fact that I don't have a house because Curtis is my home, I'm OK with the fact that I don't have kids because we didn't choose NOT to have kids, we are on Gods time line, and I trust God more than anyone. I'm OK with the fact that my hubby is still in school because he is becoming an AMAZING person through his studies and experiences and he is going to do great things someday, I'm OK with the fact that I am living with in laws again, because all that matters is that I am with my husband and we are happy! And guess what? We are so happy! And Im ok with working a retail job because I LOVE IT!

My secret to a SUPER MOIST oh so FLAVORFUL Turkey!

You will need:

• 2 Gala or Honey Crisp Apples and 2 oranges- Depending on the size of bird will depend on how much you need.
• FRESH rosemary (This is one of your most important ingredients so don't substitute this for dry) Get what ever large bag of it your supermarket sells. Here in NM we have Sun Flower Market, and they sell gallon sized bags of it during the holidays.
• Dried Herbs: Rosemary, Sage Thyme,Tarragon, Ground Coriander Seed, marjoram, basil and oregano. If you are not use to making your own blend of spices, you can simply use a poultry seasoning blend which will also work just fine.
• I cup of soft butter (DO NOT MELT IT)
• 2-3 TBS of Crushed garlic

• Aluminum Foil
• Parring knife
• Non-latex kitchen gloves if handling the turkey grosses you out.

My First Rule:
Do not stuff your turkey with stuffing (this will completely suck out all the juices and make it dry.) If you want your stuffing to taste like turkey, poor some turkey drippings in the stuffing and wait till your last 45 min of cooking the bird and bake it in the oven with the bird. I promise, no one will know :-)


Wash your bird inside and out and pat it down till its completely dry (this can take a little bit depending on how large of a bird you have.


Cut up the apples and oranges in quarters and stuff as many as you can in the cavity of the turkey.


Stuff a few rosemary stalks (I do about 5)  in the cavity, don't use all of them because you will need  some more for later.


Take a parring knife and separate the skin from the bird. If you are not sure how to do that here is youtube link  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYP0vVTW594


Mix your butter and garlic together


Now, get a big glob of butter in your hands and rub it UNDERNEATH the skin of the bird (that is why you separated the skin) until you have covered every possible area. Since your bird will be cold your butter wont spread around perfectly, but no worries, the oven will take care of the rest.


Now, get some more butter and spread that over the top of the bird


Now liberally sprinkle your poultry seasoning. I use a lot because when I baste the turkey some of it comes off into the drippings and then when I use the drippings for gravy and stuffing the seasonings give it that extra umph!


 I'm a woman of smells so I sprinkle it on tell it smells right, if you need measurements I'm not sure what to tell you... except that you you could by a poultry season blend and sprinkle that on to desired about with a little pepper.


PS, I don't put salt on the bird, because salt pulls out moisture and I want to keep as much of the moisture in the bird.


Tie up the cavity of the bird and but it in your roasting pan.
I line my pan with crazy amounts of foil (really long pieces) and then put my bird in.
Use the leftover Rosemary stalks and place them between the legs and body of the bird and anywhere else you want it.


Once the bird is in the pan I roll up the foil to prevent any moisture from getting out. I put my oven to 275 degrees Fahrenheit and cook till the internal temp of the bird has read 165 degrees (That is the USDA recommended temp to prevent any food born illnesses).


You will be basting your Turkey ALOT and removing a LOT of drippings. Last year I removed almost six cups and it was STILL moist.


During the last 45 min uncover your bird, turn the oven up to 300-350, baste one more time and let your bird turn that pretty golden brown.


Your house will smell AMAZING! And you will have a pleasant surprise when bite into your turkey breast, it will be super moist (a hard thing to do with white meat) and have an extra special taste, which I wont tell you what that is, because you will just have to make it and find out!


HAVE FUN!

Date Night Dilemma!

I have this dilemma. Its a biggy! I have no idea what to do for date nights! Curtis and I have been married for over four years, we have known each other for six and we have shard lots of cool experiences together! Now, with me working all the time, and Curtis busy with classes, when date night comes it usually ends up being a movie night in (Redbox, goodies and snuggles) or a movie night out (dinner and a movie). I am out of ideas!


Here are some things of what we have done in the past...

1. Go hiking
2. Go on a picnic
3. Feed bread to ducks at a local duck pond
4. Cook/ Bake together
5. ice skating
6. go play in the snow
7. go dancing
8. Carve pumpkins
9. scavenger hunts
10. long walks somewhere beautiful
11. Shopping
12. Went to museums, concerts, zoo, botanical gardens
13. Camping
14. biking
15. roller blading
16. went shopping and tried on funny clothes together
17. board games
18. small road trip to somewhere we have never been
19. found a new recipe, shopped for the food, cooked it, and ate it together all while having our wrists tied together!
20. Gone to the drug store, went to card aisle and picked out all the best cards for each other and handed them to each other! It was great, we never had to buy them, and didn't feel obligated to keep them.
21. Went the library.
22. Watched documentaries
23. picked out future baby names together
24. Planned a future business of our own together (either a cafe or bed and breakfast)
25. Went to the temple
26. Gone to an ethnic food restaurant we have never tried

Sheesh, there is so much more but I am drawing a blank. Should I keep doing some of these things?? What else could we do??? Honestly, I really like to just sit back, relax, talk and share some laughs. But another part of feels the need to do things that bring substance to our relationship.


Any one have any good ideas?? Especially ideas that would be in my hubby's favor, cause I want to do things he will enjoy too. So not too mushy... but more fun!

30 Day Sugar Fast

That's right. NO Sugar. For 30 days! 


Anyone that knows me, knows that this is a HUGE challenge for me. I love sweets! Cookies, brownies, cupcakes, candy, ice cream, pie you name it!! On top of that, it is even MORE challenging because I am doing this right in the middle of the Holidays. But Honestly, I couldn't have picked a better time. No sense putting on the pounds during the Holidays and feeling so guilty in January. Besides, I would then come up with a resolution to loose weight that would turn into a resolution to fail at healthy lifestyle.


So, on top of not eating sugar I am changing EVERYTHING. Here is a list of what I am doing...

1. Counting calories. Never in my life have I done this, mostly because its tedious. My daily intake is around 1500.
2. Working out everyday except Sunday. I go to the gym, run my heart out (not literally) for 35-40 min and do some ab workouts.
3. I'm getting 8 hours of sleep.
4. I'm packing my lunches.
5. I planned my meals for the whole week so I KNOW what I am going to eat. This is excellent because instead of pacing back and forth in the kitchen and finally settling for something incredibly bad for me, I have a plan. So I know when I go the kitchen I have to make THAT meal. Plus it has me cooking again, and I have been bad at cooking for the last year.
6. I am also going back (yes, I used to be really good at this) to little to no processed food, and mostly locally grown organic food.

At the end of 30 days I am not let off the hook. My reward is a small......... slice of ONE pie at Thanksgiving (yeah, I planned it right end of day 30 is Thanksgiving day). My calorie intake will stay at 1500 until at least March 22, 2012 (My Birthday!).


Goal #1: Loose the 40 lbs that I started gaining May 18 2007 (yes, my wedding day).
Goal #2: Be healthy enough to have a baby
Goal #3: Be happy and do the things I have ALWAYS wanted to do but couldn't because of my insecurities with my body image.
Goal #4: Lower my risk of heart disease, Diabetes and stroke. Its in the family.


There is only one thing I ask of all of you to help me through this... hold me accountable, that is all.

Michael Buble Christmas

This first thing I did when I got to work today was buy the Target Exclusive Michael Buble "Christmas" Album. The first thing I did when I got off? I listened to it the whole way home. Can I just say, his voice is AMAZING. Last year I noticed that the Christmas songs all started to sound generic and almost annoying. But, this album is refreshing and has made me fall in love with the classic Christmas songs all over again.


I am so looking forward to listening to this album over and over while enjoying the Holiday season with my AMAZING HUBBY!