Since writing is very therapeutic for me I still continued to write, however, I wrote in my journal and in a private blog where I could write my feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment and sadness. I have been writing in a journal since I was 9 years old. Something I notice about my journal writing is that I become my own therapist. There will be times where I write a journal entry and I am very upset about something, then, as the journal entry progresses I have a shift in thought. Because I purged my negative thoughts on paper, I could then clear my mind to resolve the issue.
I am happy to report, that after a five month purging of negative thoughts... I am happy. It all began with this journal entry...
July 29, 2012 Sunday
I wish I could say I have progressed since my last journal entry, but unfortunately not much has changed. (I was super upset about not having children yet) The one difference is that I'm not super upset. This will allow me to write more rationally.
I can't remember a time when I was truly satisfied with life. I have been unhappy for a few years now. I usually blame my unhappiness on not having babies, Curtis not working, family making poor choices, my work not recognizing my efforts, my parents leaving the church, not having friends, living with in-laws, I can list on and on of all the excuses.
Truthfully, I need to stop blaming everyone and everything else for my unhappiness and start taking some accountability for it! I am where I am because of me. I have no relationship with God because I do not pray to Him and I do not read His words and I do not take upon myself the name of Christ.I have no relationship with my family because I choose not to communicate. The rest of my life is miserable because I do not take care of myself. Its all my fault. If I want my happiness to change I need to start focusing on me.
I will do this by getting off my lazy tooshy and live a full life and take care of me!
I was so liberated by this train of thought. It was almost as if I finally got out of my funk and logic and reason finally payed a visit to my emotions. The next day I went to my pantry and fridge and cleared out all the food that was toxic to my body. I went to the gym with my husband and that night I went to bed by 10pm. It was time to take control of my life, and my happiness.
Its been a month later and I am happy to report that I....
- Go to the gym everyday after work, with Curtis, and workout for about 45-60 min.
- I eat a wholesome, clean, meals everyday.
- I have stopped eating sugar (refined sugar, the most sugar I get is in fruit) "cold turkey" (not exactly sure how I did that one).
- I cook all of my meals.
- I load up on veggies, fruit, lean proteins, and healthy fats ALL day!
- I try to eat as much local food as I can.
- I stop eating at 7pm.
- I bring my lunch to work everyday.
- I ran a a 5K Race, "The Color Run"
- I drink a LOT of water
- I go to bed between 9:30 and 10pm every night.
Sometime I will go further into detail on exactly the type of foods I eat, how much and all of that. But for now I will just tell you, that taking care of my body has been the best thing I have ever done for myself! I am happier, more positive, more friendly, more patient with Gods timing, and I have lost 12.5 lbs. All that matters to me is that I be in good health so I can be the best wife, someday, if God willing, the best mom, and most importantly the best version of me.
I can't wait for more happy days ahead! I'm confident If I have bad days, I will be able to handle them much better because I am taking care of myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment