After 6 years of just "waiting to see if I can get pregnant", I have finally started fertility treatment! As I embark ok this TTC (TRYING TO CONCEIVE) journey I am filled with a sense of hope and positivity. I have never felt so calm and at peace with the idea of trying to have kids, and it feels great!
Over the years I have not allowed myself to get too excited about having kids... Mostly because a part of me always knew it was not "time" yet. Something feels different now...
I don't know how long its going to be, but I have faith that "the Lord will remember me" and the promise of motherhood will be granted.
Some tell me not to get too excited, fertility drugs are not always effective. They don't want me to get my hopes up. But... The reality for me is, I'd rather put all hope and faith in becoming a mom, than to live my life in fear and doubt that I won't. I'm just not happy if I'm not hoping for the best in everything, even if it does sound naive.
Sheesh, when I was dating my husband I invested so much emotional energy the first week of dating. People would warn me not to get too involved, I would just be setting myself up for heart break. I ignored them because it made me happier to put myself out there and give it my all, then to only give a little and have doubts about my future in the relationship.
So I'm doing it, I'm giving the pursuit of motherhood my all! I'm putting my motherly heart on my sleeve! I'm going to be positive, I'm going to get excited, I'm going to think about baby names again, I'm going to plan for motherhood, I will walk the baby aisles at Target with a smile on my face, I will picture babies in my arms, I will dream about kissing my babies... I will have faith in Gods timing.
I'm a firm believer in mind over matter... My mind has decided I'm going to get pregnant and that it will allow no other alternative.