The Analogy of the Canoe: What it means to be One in Marriage

So, even though I have been married almost 5 years, I feel like I have learned a few things. There is something I would like to share. Its called the analogy of the Canoe. Now, I cannot take all the credit for this, my husband briefly used a simpler form of this analogy to justify his side of a disagreement a while back. There was a time when I was trying to get through a road block in our marriage and I had an epiphany while pondering about this canoe analogy.... and I added a little more....


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So, I have this idea that once we get married that we strap ourselves into a lifelong canoe ride. There are times when this ride is peaceful and serene, other times we are tossed about the white water desperately holding on for our lives. But the point is, were all on the ride. We are not in a race, we are riding down the river till we eventually get to where we need to be.


So, one day, I was contemplating myself on this canoe with my husband. We were not going anywhere! We were going round and round in circles and other times we would be at a complete hault. As we were struggling in this canoe I couldn't help but notice one by one by one by one, couples pass us by. It seemed unfair, that for a couple that has been married for five years would be sitting there watching the other canoes pass us by.


So, every time I would see this I would think, I can do this, I can roe enough for the both of us! Boy was I wrong! I could row alright, but not for long, before I knew it I was exhausted! The moving my arms from one side to another became tiresome. So, I would just row from one side of the canoe... that got me nowhere. So I would try just the other side... again... nowhere. Just circles.

I decided to look back at my husband, he was tired too. He wasn't even rowing! I didn't even stop to think why he couldn't row with me, I just assumed it wasn't important to him so I should just carry on for the both of us. When I looked back and saw his tired distressed face I realized that he needed me. He didn't need me to carry us forward. He needed me, to stop, take a break and help him gain the strength to row together again.

So, that's what I did. I stopped. And again, I watched other couples slowly pass us by. This time it was different. This time I didn't care about the others, all I cared about was making sure my husband regained his strength to begin again. Sometimes, it was difficult to sit there and patiently wait. However, the more I waited patiently, the more love I felt for my husband!


Then, the blessed day came. He began to row on his side, and I on mine. And we were back on the river again. Slowly, peacefully, together down the river.

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I learned something important as I was thinking about this canoe ride. Marriage is not always easy and there will always be other people ahead of you in their marital development. You cannot be one in marriage by pointing out to your spouse how you are not where others are. You are one by working on your life goals together, and sometimes just stopping and sitting with them till they are ready to move forward. Its not fair to push someone when they are not ready. We all learn different ways, and just because we are married it does not mean that we are automatically on the same wavelength of understanding and development. Plus, not to mention, men and women handle difficulties differently and in their own ways as well.


When we marry we agree to stay committed through the difficult times. I learned that it is important to be considerate of our spouses needs. If they are distressed, love them. If they are sad, love them. If they are unsure, LOVE THEM! Whatever it is... L-O-V-E them! We also need to ingrain (and I need to tell myself this ALL the time!) in our minds that it is OK not be moving the same pace "down the river" as everyone else. Its not worth it if you can't enjoy it TOGETHER!


Let me ask you this? If your spouse is sick? What do you do? Take care of them, right? So if your spouse is struggling in other areas of life, wouldn't you then take care of them as well? Its no different. And, I know, that if I were having a hard time I would want my hubby to take care of me and be patient with me?


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And that concludes my soap box moment. :-)


PS
And can I just say, I am so greatful for a patient, loving, understanding husband that has taught me this principle of unconditional love.