Anyone that knows me, knows that this is a HUGE challenge for me. I love sweets! Cookies, brownies, cupcakes, candy, ice cream, pie you name it!! On top of that, it is even MORE challenging because I am doing this right in the middle of the Holidays. But Honestly, I couldn't have picked a better time. No sense putting on the pounds during the Holidays and feeling so guilty in January. Besides, I would then come up with a resolution to loose weight that would turn into a resolution to fail at healthy lifestyle.
So, on top of not eating sugar I am changing EVERYTHING. Here is a list of what I am doing...
Counting calories. Never in my life have I done this, mostly because its tedious. My daily intake is around 1500.
Working out everyday except Sunday. I go to the gym, run my heart out (not literally) for 35-40 min and do some ab workouts.
I'm getting 8 hours of sleep.
I'm packing my lunches.
I planned my meals for the whole week so I KNOW what I am going to eat. This is excellent because instead of pacing back and forth in the kitchen and finally settling for something incredibly bad for me, I have a plan. So I know when I go the kitchen I have to make THAT meal. Plus it has me cooking again, and I have been bad at cooking for the last year.
I am also going back (yes, I used to be really good at this) to little to no processed food, and mostly locally grown organic food.
At the end of 30 days I am not let off the hook. My reward is a small......... slice of ONE pie at Thanksgiving (yeah, I planned it right end of day 30 is Thanksgiving day). My calorie intake will stay at 1500 until at least March 22, 2012 (My Birthday!).
Goal #1: Loose the 40 lbs that I started gaining May 18 2007 (yes, my wedding day). Goal #2: Be healthy enough to have a baby Goal #3: Be happy and do the things I have ALWAYS wanted to do but couldn't because of my insecurities with my body image. Goal #4: Lower my risk of heart disease, Diabetes and stroke. Its in the family.
There is only one thing I ask of all of you to help me through this... hold me accountable, that is all.
This first thing I did when I got to work today was buy the Target Exclusive Michael Buble "Christmas" Album. The first thing I did when I got off? I listened to it the whole way home. Can I just say, his voice is AMAZING. Last year I noticed that the Christmas songs all started to sound generic and almost annoying. But, this album is refreshing and has made me fall in love with the classic Christmas songs all over again.
I am so looking forward to listening to this album over and over while enjoying the Holiday season with my AMAZING HUBBY!
Yesterday I had a marvelous day with my husband! We went hiking in 4th of July Canyon in Tajique New Mexico. As we sat under the beautiful trees and felt the peace of nature it felt as though we were out of NM and taking a mini vacation from life. I absolutely loved it! Every time we go into mountains lush with trees and color I get this incredible desire to make a permanent home in such scenery. I love the peace I feel. I love the natural, raw beauty. So, someday we will move somewhere like this... possibly New York, Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Washington... somewhere... sometime.
So I think I have wanted a child since the day of my wedding (Which was 4 1/2 years ago), but never have I wanted to be a mother more than I do now. We are TTC and I pray every day God will bless us with a child...
My Prayer...
Lord, I am not a perfect wife but I love my husband the best ways I know how, I don't have the cleanest house but I know how to make a house a home. Im not that good at keeping a budget but I do know how to get the most for my money. I am not a master of the scriptures but I have a strong testimony that what I have read is the truth. I know sometimes I may not be the best friend or sister, but I love my family and friends deeply, even though I may not show it sometimes.
I have seen you bless all of my best friends, old roommates, cousins, in laws, co-workers, church members with one, two, even three babies. I do my best to not envy them and be happy for them. I have seen women who hate children, who don't want children, who are not ready to have children get pregnant. Every time I see this happen I have to face the hurt that its not my time.
Lord, please know that I am different then I was 4 1/2 years ago, I am more patient now, I am learning how to be a better wife, and most days I understand that there is a purpose as to why I have not been given the opportunity to be a mother.
Lord, I feel selfish asking for blessings... so Lord, when it is MY time, can you let me know in such a way where there would be no room for doubt? And my dear Heavenly Father, if is so be that it is still not my time.... can you bless me with peace? Comfort me? And give me the strength to keep on moving?
I am indeed, forever grateful for your Love for me. Thank you for your blessings. Thank you for a sweet husband who cherishes and adores me. Thank you a job that makes me happy and gives me purpose. Thank you for a family that loves and forgives me.
Some people think I am absolutely crazy, but this weekend marks my 4 year anniversary with Target! I can't believe I have worked their that long! Target has become a way of life for me. The people I work with have become my family. I have gone through many bosses, some have inspired me to succeed in ways I never thought possible, some have frustrated me beyond belief with their ignorance, but with all I have learned so much.
I started out as a seasonal cashier for Holidays (it was supposed to be my "in between" job). When I first started working their I immediately adapted to the energy (The Holidays are a great time to start working there). Just standing and cashiering was not enough for me. My goal was to be the best at everything I did there. Yes, you could probably call me an over achiever, but I soon realized that this retailers business ethics and energy fit my personality and I saw myself as a leader there. So, that was my goal! I was a cashier for 3 months and then I became a "GSA" (aka Guest Service Attendant), this position was an assistant to the Team Leader (Supervisor) of the Front Lanes. Essentially, you did everything they did with the exception of conducting interviews for jobs, talent management, scheduling, couching's/correction actions, writing reviews.... that sort of thing. About a year after that I was promoted to GS-TL (Guest Service Team Leader). The front lanes at that time became everything to me. I am very passionate about what I do. I wanted to be the most successful, and successful I became. We had the highest service scores in the district, the highest conversion scores, a really awesome moral within the team, and quite a bit more. But, with all those wins, my biggest priority was the overall well being of the Team members I oversaw. I was in charge of about 50 team members. Their lives were important to me, and learning how to work with each different personality to generate success was so much fun! I was a GSTL for the front lanes for 2 1/2 years!! Then, I felt the need for change, I was itching for change!
I was offered the position of C-TL, aka Consumables Team Leader. In English, it means Grocery Supervisor. Yes, I went from a LARGE team (50+/-) and Service focused work center to a small team (6-7 team members) to a large BUSINESS work center. I consider my department like my own little business. Every day my focus is how to drive profitable sales. Its very different for me but I am adjusting. I really like it, I love my team, and I really enjoy working with all the other leaders in the store.
So, my plans next???? Keep doing what I do best, and that is work my heart out and shoot for the next best thing!
On August 31st, 2011 I received the very difficult news that my parents are leaving the Mormon church.
Yeah, wow.
I still, to this day, am not quite sure how to handle it all... (have not talked to them since).
I want to make it known, I LOVE my parents! I do not judge them, I am sad that things will not be the same between us. Its like a part of me has died, and I am grieving over my loss. Many of you will not understand, but that is because no one was as close to my parents as I was. Really, it was our center in the gospel that glued us together. It was our activity in the church together that brought substance to our relationship. And now that its gone.... what else is there? Yes, there is a love because they are my parents. But to put it more into a reality this is what it is for me....
When I go to bare my testimony to them... all I will be thinking.... They don't believe this, they think I am brainwashed, manipulated to feel this way, and that I have it all wrong.
When I want a "Fathers Blessing" that cannot happen for me. Or any other priesthood ordinance I want Kenny to participate in. Kenny, those blessings were wonderful.
When I am in the temple, I will be missing my mom.
Every memory... my baptism, my confirmation, being away from home and finding myself, my endowment, my sealing, my patriarchal blessing, the amazing experiences I had as a teenager through my activity in the church, sitting in the bathroom reading the book of Mormon while my mom got ready for the day, going to SLC with Kenny and watching the movie on Joseph Smith and crying together, being comforted by my parents when I grieve over not having children yet, being taught all the sweet teachings of the gospel when I was a child, my long car rides with Kenny where we talked about EVERYTHING..... All these memories are tainted because I feel it was all for nothing.
I just want my parents to understand that their reason for leaving is not important to me... I want them to take in how much their decision has affected my heart.
There are some upsides to their decision...
This experience has brought my husband and I closer together than ever before, I truly feel like I "cleave to my spouse" and no one else. He is more important to me than anything.
This experience has challenged me to challenge my own testimony and really be sure that this is what I want.... so far its STILL what I so desire. I am greatful for the challenge.
I have been turning more to Christ and his love is sweet
I have come to appreciate my inlawed family and others more, not because they are LDS and my parents arfen't, but because I pretty much ignored everyone else to stay close to my parents. Now I am taking the time to get to know those I have ignored. I am indeed blessed.
Things that were once important to me do not matter anymore.... I don't care where I live, how much money I have, how my house is decorated, whose approval I meet, all that matters is that I am with my husband, we love each other, and we are happy.
I'm sorry if some of you think I am dealing with this all wrong, but please don't judge me for grieving. It may seem like this is stupid to grieve over, buts its not. At least not to me.
